On Finishing

The Review Part

So I finished the book We Need Your Art: Stop Messing Around and Make Something by Amie McNee a few days ago. I picked it up on recommendation of a friend and actually really enjoyed it. In my opinion, the first chapter wasn’t great, but I think the rest of it is really something special. Each chapter has reflection prompts and some of them sparked epiphanies- as in “Oh, I have to change the way I do things kind of epiphanies. The stuff she brought up was kinda uncomfortable but it did help me examine why I do certain things and even after I put the book down some things within started a line of dominoes just waiting to be pushed over by a random comment made offhandedly. One did so the other night while talking with a friend about the Spooktober game I’m helping with. That’s not one I want to talk about here though. I want to talk about McNee’s thoughts on finishing and consistent creative practice.

The comment that made me want to write this out was one a friend made. Mainly one word of it though: focus. I’ve hated that word for a long time. It was the thing I was constantly told I didn’t have. It was the reason I couldn’t work on multiple projects. It was the reason I was at a disadvantage for being a jack of all trades going into the games industry. It was the reason I (believed that) I was defective. Focus is something I never felt like I could figure out. All I knew is that I was fucking everything up for me. If I’m being completely honest, I still kinda hate being told that. But I think it’s because focus does something different for everyone I speak to it seems. It shows up for different people in different ways. For some it is what keeps them working on a single thing for years, for others its what keeps them from scrolling until the timer goes off. Looking at it that way, there is nothing wrong with my ability to focus. I can set a timer and become sucked into whetever I need to do. I can create for hours without getting tired. I can script a short scene in under an hour (which I did right before starting this part actually). But I still don’t often finish my solo projects…

What often gets cited as the problem is shiny object syndrome, but I don’t think anyone ever talks about it in the way it shows up for me. I even avoided naming it in my earlier article about why projects don’t get finished. (It’s not the greatest article as I was trying very hard to speak with authority but it’s still up to read just in case it does help someone else.) I think most people just assume you’re bored of the project- and McNee offers that as a possibility- but she doesn’t stop there, saying, “…It’s easy to explain why you want to begin something new. But, Creative, what are you running from?”

Some things I have run from in the past are pretty obvious or commonly cited: What if nobody likes it? What if it’s bad? But there are other things I see in myself: commercial viability (or lack thereof), putting something out that ends up being a little too vulnerable, loss of identity. I think the only one that needs some explanation is loss of identity. This comes from trying to box yourself in too much. Making your first game or first of any new medium is an identity shift, you become a game dev, painter, musician, animator, etc. Same with making money off your craft, you are now a professional animator, stationery maker, YouTuber, etc. But what’s been troubling me is that I feel like I’m expected to be “the guy”.

The vn “guy”, the game dev “guy”, etc. We as a society expect people to be the ___ “guys”. When in conversation, unless you’re in a group of Dragon Quest fans, jack of all trades is not a good thing. In my head, I fear that by putting out a game in a certain genre may mean I become the “that genre guy”. This is ludricrous but I do fear what that means while trying to build an audience. That being said, I’m slowly breaking from this. Especially since I am lucky enough to have friends that create across genres and mediums. However, I am realizing something else, I think “the guy”-ism can also be something you make your own. Two artists I look up to are June from ActuallyRea and Star from TheStarfishFace. Their brands are largely their OCs but to different people they are different “guys”. Star could be the How to Make Webcomics “guy”, she did a panel on it for years, talks about it on Youtube, and even wrote a book about it! She could also more generally be the webcomic “guy” to include her long running series Castoff, but she doesn’t have to stay that “guy” forever. She’s writing a novel, illustrates, does cons, runs a Youtube, and more. June used to be mostly known for their animations and animatics but now is more known for their magical girl series (or even just their love of Apollo) which is getting a game made for it! They of course also have a Youtube, comics, an online store, and more (and they still make awesome animations).

But reconsiling the fact that while society while will always try to make you the __ “guy”, there is the ability to branch out and not be just the __ “guy” makes me less afraid. I also should point out, I don’t think people necessarily put you in a box like that with malice. It’s easier to say I do ___ rather than listing everything out. I think I’ll try using it to my advantage actually. The question in my head has always been what if you can’t do anything else? Which is inherently restrictive and makes me feel trapped. But what if the question were different? What if the question was, “What if this came first?” That is the kind of focus I think I need. Not something that seems to lock me into something for the rest of my life, hell this question is very easily modified to be just for a period of time.

This month, my goal is to rest and to get better at finishing things. There’s some art I wanna finish and some projects I want to get done as well. (This blog post is actually one of them :D) So this reframing is something I was thinking about and I think posting this somewhere I’ll return to often will be a nice reminder this month and in the future.